April 16 – Broken Inhibitions

We are sitting up on this falling hill,
Slowly crawling down this black expanse.
Below we can see stars littering the ground.
We are minutes from self-destruction, reckless combustion.
Breathing in fumes of promise and escape
Hoping the fallout was worth the crash and burn.
Heartache nothing more than a stain on dark canvas,
With crystal clear intentions shattered.
Whispering goodbye in a howl of guts and twisted metal.
And grey carpet hits our feet like gravity
Endlessly fighting for the inch ahead into the shining light
Of infinity and immortality.

We’re as lonely as the silence we’ve created.

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March 5 – The House that Fell

I fear myself entombed
Trapped within the dark
Stale air surrounds me
The stench of sickness
Of death and decay
I scrape, scrape, scrape
You’ve buried me here
Where no one can hear
Screams from my throat
The knock of my hands
The beat of my heart
I scrape, scrape, scrape
There’s no escaping
Fate ties my wrists
You knew I would die
And you wait for me
To come drag you
Down, down, down.

– Tegan Thuss

December 28 – Haunted by Shadows

We are shadows of the living
Crawling up from the past
Clawing at your senses
As you pass us by

You think we are figments
Gone in the blink of an eye
But we rise again
Haunting you

The dead can chill the heart
Twist and turn the dagger deep
If you let us rest a minute
In the house while you sleep

We are darkness in the light
Creeping in the corner
You turn and we are gone
But we can never really leave

We weep because we linger
There is no way to go
So we stay close to the living
To remember who we’ve been

– Tegan Thuss 

December 21 – Gothic Woes

Are we in a waking dream, faded walls surround us as we walk on past some insignificant speck that we see in the corner of our eyes but forget in the next minute. Is it a nightmare vision, reaching out to grab us as we sleep all safe in our beds, with the sheets wrapping tight, chains to hold us down, to strangle us as we try to fight for air.

I cannot escape this horrifying moment, anxiety spilling like blood from the bones, skin scraping on nails sticking from floor boards. Eerie eyes are watching from the darkness and fingers seem to play some soft melody over my soaked flesh. “Help me” I scream into silence, quieted by fear stuck deep in my throat. I am gagging on my own pulse as it quickens to the sound of footsteps on the landing. My heartbeat hums and I feel it may burst from misuse, as my dreams merge with some semblance of reality; my bed sticking to me, my eyes luring themselves open with the promise of being free, my brain cascading against the fog that continues to encase me in a tomb of my own making. The sounds quicken, feet scurrying, hollow breathing thicker than oil coming floating in on the night air. I am feeding on my shouts of terror as they rise and fall in my throat, like toads croaking; too quiet, too quiet, no one will hear. Red sparks are looming out of the black ocean of the room, toes curl inward. There is a click, as though the lights would flicker on, but nothing happens; except for the moment in my mind when I see what it is, what it truly is, and for one peaceful second the terrified beating of my heart stops.

– Tegan Thuss 

December 19 – Amnesia Pills

I think maybe I could remember
If every piece fell right in to place
My eyes would open and I would find
The answers I need on your face

I think if my mind could grasp
All the things I know are there
I could learn to remember the past
In the length of your auburn hair

I think time could bring me closer
To the reason I lost my self
With the touch of your hands on my skin
I could not ask for anything else

I am lost in the darkness around me
I can not remember who I should be
All I know is that something is wrong
With the fragments of my memory

Help me to find who I am
Help me to rebuild the truth
Before all the walls start to crumble
I am afraid of what else I may lose.

– Tegan Thuss 

September 24 – Daydream Life

She’s happiest just waiting out the storm
If she lets it wash over her she’ll drown
She doesn’t have a boat to paddle
And her legs just don’t seem to know how to kick
Or her head to stay afloat

Better to watch from a distance as the world explodes
She doesn’t have a shield for all the bits that are gonna fall
And she’s afraid of the colours that seem to be bursting to life
Her arms can’t reach that high
Or her eyes can’t dream that tall

She’s safest looking out of her bubble
But never letting it pop
Because the world is full of pins and pricks
And all the cushion of the rest might be nice
But it doesn’t sooth the cuts, the wounds

She feels best when she’s asleep
When she can imagine worlds beyond her door
When she can feel all those things she’s missing
Without the fear of being crushed
Without the fear of being alive

– Tegan Thuss