April 14 – Promises Returned

He once promised her moonlight to dance under; with those thick, heavy blues that she found herself falling into. Even though he could only produce the blinding light of electricity, she felt that maybe they were dancing all alone in the silence of space.

He once promised her love notes to live on; with that soft, supple smile that she found she wanted to taste. Even though he only ever sent email reminders of their plans, she felt each word was whispering “I love you.”

He once promised her eternity in his arms; with those strong hands wrapped round her waist like they were one. Even though they keep getting older, and their time is finite, she knows he really meant it.

April 11 – We Fall Down

We are silence unbound
            by our own anger.
We live with fear
            etched on our broken ribs.
Echoes of our happiness
            trim the windows filled with dust.
The scars we leave have
            become the trophies on our shelves.
Rain clouds gather constantly
            to hide the sting of tears.
We bear it slowly with our smiles
            as false as the promises littered on the floor.

– Tegan Thuss

April 8 – When I Love You

When I love you
I love you long
Deep
Hard
I love you to the bone
Cut crisp open
Exposed
Naked
I love you whole heart
Broken wings caged
Scared
Lost
I love you down dirty
Pulled full apart
Shadows
Sadness

When I love you
I love you all
Whole
Full

– Tegan Thuss

P.S. Sorry for the delay, and being passed when I was supposed to be officially done. I am working on catching up and hope to have all 365 poems up by the end of July. Ending my year long poetry run…and then, maybe I will try something new.

April 6 – A Recording of Two Lives

Side A: We Weren’t Meant to Burn

I always knew the fizzle was a sign of things to come.
You knew sparks were made of fingers on legs
But you never knew that my legs never conducted much electricity.
I spasm sometimes when I’m thinking of life
And you called that love, cause I could feel you moving.
If only it weren’t so wrong, if only I could feel the earth shake when you rocked.
We weren’t meant to learn love songs, only rough notes and guarded words.

I hate bugs, you collect scabs
We lived inside ourselves
Windows foggy, steamed up
I couldn’t see your insides
I was sure there was some tar in there
I knew there was some soot in me

As the sun was setting I thought about endings, you kept whispering about beginnings.
I felt bad, because I knew that happiness was not about your hand in mine,
It was more about feeling lost in motion, in moving forward, in future discovery.
You always thought I had moonlight in my hair and stars in my eyes,
Sometimes I laughed at night thinking of how naïve you were, how young.
Really I just didn’t know the meaning of being with another person, of grabbing
On to something and pulling and pushing and never breaking, always mending.
I liked looking at glass shattering, you should have known then that I would
Break that heart of yours.

I had no tears for you
Only a goodbye that left you silent
When I walked away
I thought you must have been a doll
And I was the puppet master
Cutting the strings
But I felt free, and you felt alone
Guess that’s what never again
Feels like.

Side B: You and I Are the Cosmos Racing

Shooting stars, I never knew they could burn your eyes with truth
Until I looked up while holding your hand, and felt the tailwinds on my face.
Life felt bigger and smaller all at once, with your arms around my stomach.
I heard the song on the wind, the whistle in the breeze, and I knew how love felt.

You held rainbows softly, letting the colours drips through your fingers
And into my hair. I laughed because it tickled.
Every time you said goodbye, I felt my heart float up like a balloon tied to your wrist
Following you everywhere you went without me.
You promised nothing, but I knew with you everything was for me and it always would be,
No doubts or lies, no secrets spilling behind shut lips.
We kissed and my smile stretched against the sun, warm against your lips
I’m content just to live and love with you forever.

I remember times when I was freedom, wings on back and shades drawn
No one knew the inside of my soul.
Now I’m open book, fairytale story, and you are an avid reader
Fingertips tracing the words of my being.

I’m never flippant or scared or trying not to be hurt, I am flowing thoughts
I break out of unknown into knowing you and knowing who I will be
Knowing I am myself, I am you, I am world, we are one.
I am living every day for myself, for you, and for this little seed we have blessed to grow.

– Tegan Thuss

April 4 – Bound by the Lightning

I remember that hot summer night, long ago, but not too long to forget we weren’t young anymore. The world went dark, the electricity shut off. But inside we were creating our own sparks, our hands formed lightning on skin that felt too hot but not hot enough. We were burning in the darkness, for each other and for love. When we kissed there were flashes and when I shut my eyes I swore I could see your smile etched in sunshine on the back of my eyelids. Your laughter sounded like static happiness, like the flipping of a switch to permanent ‘on’. I felt everything you had like a mixture of blending and cooking, we were melting from summer nights spent learning curves no road would ever find. There was no relief, no cool breeze, just hot breath and warm motion, and knowing that this was the moment that marked forever for us. This was the moment when we knew we would be connected together, a little line drawn from my heart to yours. And no matter how hard you knotted it, how many times the scissors might snip, it would be stronger than glue, hold faster than stone.

I remember that hot summer night, long ago, but not too long to forget we were still young. The world went dark, the electricity shut off. But inside we were creating a lightning strike that would spark the world to move just a little faster with us.

– Tegan Thuss

April 3 – Turn Tape Over to Side B

We sit in cold silence, as I watch the world float away and by. I trace memories with my mind, and hollow futures with my heart. I hurt when nothing touches me, but burn when the world gets too close. Slowly I move my hand, a flick of the wrist, thoughtless, careless, a scared motion of an injured animal looking for comfort. I edge it closer to yours, take hold in the darkness of my soul, and feel the warmth of your presence cascade through my icy veins. You tighten the grip, smile your bright smile, and I forgot what it is to be alone, what it is to feel used up and neglected. I feel like I am the only shining object in a black-out world, and you are coming to me, to my sparkle, with a matching glow. We were made in caves, moulded in rock, built from solid, unmoving earth into a single entity. One being, split in the middle, later seared back together by the formation of time and trust. We are the ocean cascading together, waves of laughter rolling onto shores of forever. The emptiness I have been feeling fades with the setting sun, and you and me, we’re just starting.

– Tegan Thuss

April 1 – Beating Worthlessness

I’m spilling tear drops on my wrists
Better than blood
They soak me up in their clear bubbles
But I can always walk away
I can always move, move, move
And the rain will keep falling off me
And my skin won’t crack
It will hold firm and hold me in
So I can live with you
Instead of with the pain

– Tegan Thuss

March 30 – Holding Hearts

Everything magical
Comes from happiness

When I’m with you
The stars align
The waters sparkle
Your eyes shine
And my smile warms

We hold hands
Twisted pines
Clinging together
Against sadness

The moon a flashlight
As we sit on swings
Made of air and hope
Hair colliding with wind

This is the moment
When you whisper
‘I love you’
And I forget
How the world was
Before you spoke

This is the moment
When I repeat
Every word you said
Like we are one
Glued together
At the heart

– Tegan Thuss

March 26 – Some Sad Lonely Song

She’s swaying her hips to a slow song in her head
No one knows the tune, or why she hears it
But she just keeps moving, legs twisting and turning
Like being in motion is the only thing holding her together

Everything is quiet, all eyes on her easy sashay across the floor
No one knows how to stop her dance, or if they want to
And she’s making it hard for anyone to remember
If she was always this unhappy, or if happiness existed at all

Her empty beer is on the bar, lipstick glued to the shine
Her eyes are closed so she doesn’t have to see
That she’s still here, that there are people around
She’s alone in her mind, slow song blaring memories

The song keeps going, no end in sight
She’s got nothing left of herself but this moment
The alcohol has sweated out of her system
A faded photograph image slips from behind her eyes

Her tears are falling as her feet refuse to move
She falls to the floor and no one moves to help
She is an echo of sadness that they all know too well
Life beating the will to move on out of them all

– Tegan Thuss

March 23 – When Life Hands You Lemons

How many days until these moments flood our minds with smiles, laughter, tears and pain?

How many days until we come to see that my hands fit perfectly into the crook of your neck?

How many days until we realize love has glued the inside of my soul to the outside of your heart?

– Tegan Thuss