April 10 – Mere Existence

The world will forget we existed
and we will lie together silently soaking in our sins
burning from the pain of our broken skin.

– Tegan Thuss

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April 9 – Turn Your Back to the Forest

Baba Yaga hid her hatred in my heart
Pinned it in, sewed it shut
I can feel it moving, squirming
It’s eating me like she would eat children
All cooked up, hungry as sin

I am completely lost, but her wisdom
Sucks me down into the marshes
With mermaids at my heels
And kelpies slurping up my marrow
All drowned, murky with pain

These woods are way too deep
But the thought of finding truth
Of holding my own fate in my hands
Tempted me into the darkness
All direction gone, hope done

I look at my aged hands and wonder
Was I always here, was this always me
And the steam rises and the laughter erupts
Folk tales and nightmares
You cannot escape

“And your front to me”…

– Tegan Thuss

March 3 – Lost Inside the Wilted Brick

One turn down the old round house
She shouts inside
We are immortal          we are immortal

If only we knew how to live

Dust flies out to cover eyes
Blinking turns them into rain

She’s burning with a false sense of hope
I know your name       I know your name

If only you could say it without breaking

Twisted rope lies falling up
Boats wave on rocks, clear glass skies

She can hear the ocean in the palm of her hand
I could be free             I could be free

Just maybe, with the right momentum

We weren’t all of us awful before the moon lit up
When the house grew wild
And the mushrooms dripped with dew and mould
We weren’t all of us bad before the sky grew dark
When the lights went out
And the gentle whir of electric rhythm vanished
We weren’t all of us destined for nothing

One turn round the old barn door
She shouts so quiet
We are immortal         we are immortal

If only we weren’t dying to live

– Tegan Thuss

January 6 – Begging for Change

The market was deserted; she walked hand in hand with darkness. Perfect place for nothing, for no one. All empty stalls and empty hope. She placed her heart on her sleeve, better for the world to find her. She sat amid the broken shambles, the dishevelled bushes, the cracked benches. She was a sliver in the cog-works, a figment in the mind, a ghost in reality. Her head bowed, her tears heavy, her silence deafening. If anyone walked by they would find her limbs, like trees, flayed and twisted, sad. They would see her face scarred from age, torn from sorrow, destroyed by hate. She holds one hand out, a memory, a reaction; waiting for something to drop and her world to start again. She cannot offer music, she cannot offer solace, she can only beg for redemption, for salvation, for recognition. She crumbles to the ground, a puddle extracting the filth from the pavement below. She can smell regret clinging to her, life rotting in her, death inches from her face breathing harsh on her cheeks. She can feel her humanity dripping with the rainwater, her emotions ebbing with the waters flow, she can feel herself hardening like the stone at her feet, behind her back, under her head. She feels the cool crisp air blanket her, as sleep nudges at her hollow eyes, dreams and wishes long vanished.

A lone woman lies in a box in a deserted market, breath coming out in fog, ghost image of someone she used to be. Her cloths are torn, ratty, and her body looks small like a child. The world keeps revolving, even as she is fading into night.

– Tegan Thuss 

December 19 – Amnesia Pills

I think maybe I could remember
If every piece fell right in to place
My eyes would open and I would find
The answers I need on your face

I think if my mind could grasp
All the things I know are there
I could learn to remember the past
In the length of your auburn hair

I think time could bring me closer
To the reason I lost my self
With the touch of your hands on my skin
I could not ask for anything else

I am lost in the darkness around me
I can not remember who I should be
All I know is that something is wrong
With the fragments of my memory

Help me to find who I am
Help me to rebuild the truth
Before all the walls start to crumble
I am afraid of what else I may lose.

– Tegan Thuss 

December 13 – You Always Were Disappearing

I can hear you singing
Like the ghost I always knew you would be
Quiet and alone
Soft voice rising
Dark corners colliding

I can hear you shifting
Like the ghost I always knew you could be
Distant and cold
Body fading
Shadows overriding

I can hear you crying
Like the ghost I always knew you should be
Reaching for a hand
That will never hold
Waiting, hiding

– Tegan Thuss 

October 8 – Home is Where the Heart Was

Raindrops drift down the long hallway
The shutters shake, afraid of the silent sounds
The carpet sits apart from all, a lonely island broken
The stairs creak from forgotten feet, that run up and down
Ghosts draw dust along the bookcases and empty vases.
This house holds happiness inside, a photograph half developed
But lost with all the other important things
Lost, but waiting hopefully to be filled once again.

– Tegan Thuss 

September 13 – Blank Canvas

Empty but alive
This box holds useless things
Like memories
Or lost happiness

Empty but moving
This doll has pretty eyes
But they don’t shine
They just fade

Empty but breathing
Air in, air out
Keeps pushing chest
That would rather still

Empty but human
Can’t stop functioning
Or the world rolls on
With or without you

– Tegan Thuss

P.S. Sorry this is a day late, had a function last night

August 13 – Metamorphic

When the sun rose I could swear I heard a whisper of you
Some sensory illusion, trick of the light
You faded with the shadows and melted with the ice

When the clouds parted you were gone
All smoke and flames and wreckage burned out
All sadness escaped with the rain

Your being used to shine like the distant horizon
Always getting closer but never within reach
Always setting, always saying goodbye

Now I look up and I see black sky
I see you, but only as a ghost of a star
So far away that you are already forgotten

– Tegan Thuss