April 15 – A Hollow Space Left

Those broken eyes
Sad, lonely light to live with

Candle wicks now fading
Heart stolen with the evening wind

A broken plate rests on the dark walnut floors
Shattered pieces, disconnected memories

An empty seat, impression in the cushion of something that should have lasted longer than a spark.

A dangerous silence
Calloused hands wrap around empty promises

Cold food that would have been
Could have been a beginning mid-book

Tabletop filled with nothingness, desolate with tattered chords of maybes, then with a hollow aching goodbye. Longer than the slow motion swaying of a walk to and out the door.

The click the only sound left, deafening
Deafening…deafening…deafening

January 31 – When the Dust Settles

When you broke me I thought that was it; that I could live with half the pieces missing. I tried not to notice that my heart beat a little slower, and my blood coursed a little cooler. I tried not to notice that my face forgot how to smile, and my eyes forgot how to shine.

When you broke me I thought I would be ok; with only bits of me to remember. Even though tears seemed closer than laughter, and the sun never did shine when I was around. Even though my fingers ached from a feeling of loneliness and emptiness.

When you broke me I thought it was a beginning; and all beginnings were better with pain. I forgot about happiness and contentment, instead I only knew sadness and regret. I forgot about stepping forward, and could only find myself falling backwards.

When you broke me I was a ragdoll thrown away; no little child to claim me from the wreckage. And I knew it was all about my ineptness, my unwillingness to change for you. And I knew I could blame all the blackness on the fact I didn’t know how to catch the sun.

When you broke me I crumbled; but you didn’t notice cause you drifted far away. You never did look back as the river took you, like I was just an island worth forgetting. You never did stop and turn, like I was an emotion best left with all the rest of the ones you didn’t need.

But it happened, in a way, without me expecting it. I slowly began to glue myself back together, following the breadcrumbs I trailed behind me when I took your hand. Looking for the me that was whole, before you started chipping away at the bits you didn’t like. It took moments, ages, eternity, but there I was, shining perfect, me. And I pulled myself together, lifted myself up, dusted myself off and laughed; because I realized I was never really the one who was broken, it was always you that could never really fit yourself in to the puzzle that was me.

– Tegan Thuss

January 26 – Missed Step

My heart crumbles
Falls down to pieces
Litters the ground
At your feet

You look at the puzzle
Try to guess the meaning
But it evades you
As I float away

Red balloons aren’t always happy
When they float of with your soul
And the man you love
Just watches the clouds consume it

My sighs echo
Burn in your ears
Invade the world
That you live in

You listen to the song
Can’t pick up the beat
Let it stop
As I drift away

Teddy bears will sometimes cry
When the water washes over your body
And the man you love
Just watches the waves engulf it

My goodbye flickers
Past your smile
Through the trees
That you ignore

You don’t notice
As I break apart
Never to rebuild
As I melt away

– Tegan Thuss
 

November 9 – Ready, Aim, Happiness

She lifts her head high

(cool breeze, morning soft)

There are birds calling sweet songs to her, she hears nothing

(fallen leaves caress her feet)

She looks forward with determination etched in shadow on her face

(trees rattle in desperate need)

She reaches her destination, hands clamped around memories ready for firing

(a silent bell chimes warning to the world)

She sees her target, molten black curves around her vision as she takes aim and frees her soul

(blink twice and you will miss justice take its toll)

She smiles, curved happiness first sense of self she thought she lost, he lays prostrate on ground

(single tear finds the wind and follows it homeward)

She turns on stronger heels, he groans in pain, she will feel the bruises on her knuckles tomorrow

(but the bruising on her heart is slowly being healed)

– Tegan Thuss

September 1 – Frost

It’s our last night on earth
We’re counting our breaths
In the cold air that surrounds us.

It’s our final night in each other’s arms
We’re hearing the crackle
Of the frost as it encases our tombs.

It’s our finishing night with our hearts
It’s soothing how cool they have become
Wrapped up in each other for warmth.

It’s our end here tonight
Fingers frozen from grasping
The only thing we thought was worth saving.

– Tegan Thuss

August 31 – It Reaches For You, I Cling Tighter

You are lying silent in my arms,
But I can hear the slow beating of your heart
It will fade away shortly, just like the light in your eyes

I keep cursing life, everything that you do not have
All the unfairness dripping off my tongue, falling from my eyes
The world could spin out and I would simply follow blindly

You are smiling up at me, even with the pain
And my throat is closing over, as though I were the one leaving
As though I could take your hurt and sink it deep inside myself

You are lying silent in my arms,
It is getting harder to hear the slow beating of your heart
All but faded away, just like the shine of your skin

Your body weighs heavy, and the coldness in your arms is starting to burn
I think I might catch fire just from holding you so close
Just from wanting to be with you forever so desperately

If I had those wings you kept thinking I did, maybe I could curl you in them
Maybe I could rip them off and stitch them to you
So you could learn to fly, instead of slipping into a darkness where I cannot follow

You are lying silent in my arms,
And I can no longer hear the slow beating of your heart
It faded moments ago, when you reached out toward an end I cannot see

– Tegan Thuss