April 16 – Broken Inhibitions

We are sitting up on this falling hill,
Slowly crawling down this black expanse.
Below we can see stars littering the ground.
We are minutes from self-destruction, reckless combustion.
Breathing in fumes of promise and escape
Hoping the fallout was worth the crash and burn.
Heartache nothing more than a stain on dark canvas,
With crystal clear intentions shattered.
Whispering goodbye in a howl of guts and twisted metal.
And grey carpet hits our feet like gravity
Endlessly fighting for the inch ahead into the shining light
Of infinity and immortality.

We’re as lonely as the silence we’ve created.

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April 13 – When We Breathe Regret

She is the world untethered
Fists closed around broken stone
Silence the wind, the tears

She is the tattered dreams
Left rotting in the bulging snow
Cold hatred, the burning

She is the unspoken words
Ripped from beating chests
Blood thick, the fading warmth

She is past cruelty, onward life
No returning to the fetid corpse
Bloated with regret, the hurt

She is gone from all remembering
Blown out with the pale light of dawn
Lights flickered goodbye, the sacrifice

P.S. Sorry for the looooooong wait. Been a little busy with a little baby 😀
This poem is a reject from Poetry Magazine, as are the three that will follow.

April 12 – Discussing Broken Objects

You wrap yourself up, cushion tight
To protect yourself from the pinpricks and the barbs
But when one of them breaks through
You can’t stem the flow of the ever growing wound
It’s not too easy to look past the pain
It sticks to your heart even when it has healed

– Tegan Thuss

April 11 – We Fall Down

We are silence unbound
            by our own anger.
We live with fear
            etched on our broken ribs.
Echoes of our happiness
            trim the windows filled with dust.
The scars we leave have
            become the trophies on our shelves.
Rain clouds gather constantly
            to hide the sting of tears.
We bear it slowly with our smiles
            as false as the promises littered on the floor.

– Tegan Thuss

April 9 – Turn Your Back to the Forest

Baba Yaga hid her hatred in my heart
Pinned it in, sewed it shut
I can feel it moving, squirming
It’s eating me like she would eat children
All cooked up, hungry as sin

I am completely lost, but her wisdom
Sucks me down into the marshes
With mermaids at my heels
And kelpies slurping up my marrow
All drowned, murky with pain

These woods are way too deep
But the thought of finding truth
Of holding my own fate in my hands
Tempted me into the darkness
All direction gone, hope done

I look at my aged hands and wonder
Was I always here, was this always me
And the steam rises and the laughter erupts
Folk tales and nightmares
You cannot escape

“And your front to me”…

– Tegan Thuss

April 8 – When I Love You

When I love you
I love you long
Deep
Hard
I love you to the bone
Cut crisp open
Exposed
Naked
I love you whole heart
Broken wings caged
Scared
Lost
I love you down dirty
Pulled full apart
Shadows
Sadness

When I love you
I love you all
Whole
Full

– Tegan Thuss

P.S. Sorry for the delay, and being passed when I was supposed to be officially done. I am working on catching up and hope to have all 365 poems up by the end of July. Ending my year long poetry run…and then, maybe I will try something new.

April 3 – Turn Tape Over to Side B

We sit in cold silence, as I watch the world float away and by. I trace memories with my mind, and hollow futures with my heart. I hurt when nothing touches me, but burn when the world gets too close. Slowly I move my hand, a flick of the wrist, thoughtless, careless, a scared motion of an injured animal looking for comfort. I edge it closer to yours, take hold in the darkness of my soul, and feel the warmth of your presence cascade through my icy veins. You tighten the grip, smile your bright smile, and I forgot what it is to be alone, what it is to feel used up and neglected. I feel like I am the only shining object in a black-out world, and you are coming to me, to my sparkle, with a matching glow. We were made in caves, moulded in rock, built from solid, unmoving earth into a single entity. One being, split in the middle, later seared back together by the formation of time and trust. We are the ocean cascading together, waves of laughter rolling onto shores of forever. The emptiness I have been feeling fades with the setting sun, and you and me, we’re just starting.

– Tegan Thuss

April 1 – Beating Worthlessness

I’m spilling tear drops on my wrists
Better than blood
They soak me up in their clear bubbles
But I can always walk away
I can always move, move, move
And the rain will keep falling off me
And my skin won’t crack
It will hold firm and hold me in
So I can live with you
Instead of with the pain

– Tegan Thuss

March 29 – Life’s Little Entries

Entry 1

Dear Journal masquerading as Notebook for work,

I did it again today. I stared into those eyes, dreamt I could be held in them, and saw instead the reflection of HER.
HER. Evil incarnate. Reason that I am alone, sad, depressed, wanting.
She breaths, and I rot in my own misery.
He looked nice, jeans, cowboy shirt, half-tilted smile. I smiled and smiled all day, chatting with him whenever I had the chance. Do boys ever know when they could just grab you and kiss you and not let go? Do they ever know that?

Idiot. I know.

Entry 2

Dear Journal wanting to be more than it is,

I dreamt of him. Soft kisses, golden smiles, hands that stretched over me, under me, around me. He ached, I felt it, he laughed and my whole chest exploded with happiness.
I HATE. Hate that I am not with him, that I feel this need to paint myself in sorrow each time he is not around. I wish I could wear colour again…
He looked nice, sports jersey and tossled hair. He poked me and I laughed, laughed and smiled and felt my heart expand.

The Idiot.

Entry 3

Dear journal sucking my soul dry,

If π is an infinite number and the world is round, than why am I not with him? It seems like it would be logical, concise, predictable. And yet, there she stands in his eyes always waving, smiling, punching me in the gut. And he just smiles right back, entranced by her every move, her every breath. She spins fairy tales in his heart, she lets down her hair and he aches to climb it forever. I weep poisoned apples, hoping she will taste just one.

The Idiot.

– Tegan Thuss 

March 26 – Some Sad Lonely Song

She’s swaying her hips to a slow song in her head
No one knows the tune, or why she hears it
But she just keeps moving, legs twisting and turning
Like being in motion is the only thing holding her together

Everything is quiet, all eyes on her easy sashay across the floor
No one knows how to stop her dance, or if they want to
And she’s making it hard for anyone to remember
If she was always this unhappy, or if happiness existed at all

Her empty beer is on the bar, lipstick glued to the shine
Her eyes are closed so she doesn’t have to see
That she’s still here, that there are people around
She’s alone in her mind, slow song blaring memories

The song keeps going, no end in sight
She’s got nothing left of herself but this moment
The alcohol has sweated out of her system
A faded photograph image slips from behind her eyes

Her tears are falling as her feet refuse to move
She falls to the floor and no one moves to help
She is an echo of sadness that they all know too well
Life beating the will to move on out of them all

– Tegan Thuss