April 12 – Discussing Broken Objects

You wrap yourself up, cushion tight
To protect yourself from the pinpricks and the barbs
But when one of them breaks through
You can’t stem the flow of the ever growing wound
It’s not too easy to look past the pain
It sticks to your heart even when it has healed

– Tegan Thuss

April 11 – We Fall Down

We are silence unbound
            by our own anger.
We live with fear
            etched on our broken ribs.
Echoes of our happiness
            trim the windows filled with dust.
The scars we leave have
            become the trophies on our shelves.
Rain clouds gather constantly
            to hide the sting of tears.
We bear it slowly with our smiles
            as false as the promises littered on the floor.

– Tegan Thuss

April 9 – Turn Your Back to the Forest

Baba Yaga hid her hatred in my heart
Pinned it in, sewed it shut
I can feel it moving, squirming
It’s eating me like she would eat children
All cooked up, hungry as sin

I am completely lost, but her wisdom
Sucks me down into the marshes
With mermaids at my heels
And kelpies slurping up my marrow
All drowned, murky with pain

These woods are way too deep
But the thought of finding truth
Of holding my own fate in my hands
Tempted me into the darkness
All direction gone, hope done

I look at my aged hands and wonder
Was I always here, was this always me
And the steam rises and the laughter erupts
Folk tales and nightmares
You cannot escape

“And your front to me”…

– Tegan Thuss

April 7 – A Good Girl Knows When to Blush

When you finish burning
I will light you up again
With strategic looks
Suggestive touches
Licking lips
And smouldering eyes
I won’t let you lose
That yearning passion
Floodgates of desire

We were made to torch
The world with lust

– Tegan Thuss

April 6 – A Recording of Two Lives

Side A: We Weren’t Meant to Burn

I always knew the fizzle was a sign of things to come.
You knew sparks were made of fingers on legs
But you never knew that my legs never conducted much electricity.
I spasm sometimes when I’m thinking of life
And you called that love, cause I could feel you moving.
If only it weren’t so wrong, if only I could feel the earth shake when you rocked.
We weren’t meant to learn love songs, only rough notes and guarded words.

I hate bugs, you collect scabs
We lived inside ourselves
Windows foggy, steamed up
I couldn’t see your insides
I was sure there was some tar in there
I knew there was some soot in me

As the sun was setting I thought about endings, you kept whispering about beginnings.
I felt bad, because I knew that happiness was not about your hand in mine,
It was more about feeling lost in motion, in moving forward, in future discovery.
You always thought I had moonlight in my hair and stars in my eyes,
Sometimes I laughed at night thinking of how naïve you were, how young.
Really I just didn’t know the meaning of being with another person, of grabbing
On to something and pulling and pushing and never breaking, always mending.
I liked looking at glass shattering, you should have known then that I would
Break that heart of yours.

I had no tears for you
Only a goodbye that left you silent
When I walked away
I thought you must have been a doll
And I was the puppet master
Cutting the strings
But I felt free, and you felt alone
Guess that’s what never again
Feels like.

Side B: You and I Are the Cosmos Racing

Shooting stars, I never knew they could burn your eyes with truth
Until I looked up while holding your hand, and felt the tailwinds on my face.
Life felt bigger and smaller all at once, with your arms around my stomach.
I heard the song on the wind, the whistle in the breeze, and I knew how love felt.

You held rainbows softly, letting the colours drips through your fingers
And into my hair. I laughed because it tickled.
Every time you said goodbye, I felt my heart float up like a balloon tied to your wrist
Following you everywhere you went without me.
You promised nothing, but I knew with you everything was for me and it always would be,
No doubts or lies, no secrets spilling behind shut lips.
We kissed and my smile stretched against the sun, warm against your lips
I’m content just to live and love with you forever.

I remember times when I was freedom, wings on back and shades drawn
No one knew the inside of my soul.
Now I’m open book, fairytale story, and you are an avid reader
Fingertips tracing the words of my being.

I’m never flippant or scared or trying not to be hurt, I am flowing thoughts
I break out of unknown into knowing you and knowing who I will be
Knowing I am myself, I am you, I am world, we are one.
I am living every day for myself, for you, and for this little seed we have blessed to grow.

– Tegan Thuss

April 2 – You Can Win Still, Even Broken

She’s a little bit timid in the big lights
She can hear the roar, the silence
She’s staring out into her future
She’s feeling tension cracking her spine
She lets her smile stiffen
She lets her body flow with motion
She moves with a certainty she doesn’t feel
She is beautiful in all the right and wrong ways
She stops
She hears it then, explosion
She is tears in the face of knowing it was worth it

– Tegan Thuss

April 1 – Beating Worthlessness

I’m spilling tear drops on my wrists
Better than blood
They soak me up in their clear bubbles
But I can always walk away
I can always move, move, move
And the rain will keep falling off me
And my skin won’t crack
It will hold firm and hold me in
So I can live with you
Instead of with the pain

– Tegan Thuss

March 31 – Little Voices

“You have moon goddess eyes
Like a gypsy queen”

Didn’t your mother ever tell you
‘Not to blow steam’

“Your too do-good for my taste,
All straight lines”

I’ll bowl you over with my eyes
You won’t see the signs

“Should have seen the viper
In that blood”

It twists and turns, striking
When it should

“You’ve got black demon teeth
Devils little liar”

Didn’t your mother ever tell you
‘Never play with fire’.

– Tegan Thuss