April 14 – Promises Returned

He once promised her moonlight to dance under; with those thick, heavy blues that she found herself falling into. Even though he could only produce the blinding light of electricity, she felt that maybe they were dancing all alone in the silence of space.

He once promised her love notes to live on; with that soft, supple smile that she found she wanted to taste. Even though he only ever sent email reminders of their plans, she felt each word was whispering “I love you.”

He once promised her eternity in his arms; with those strong hands wrapped round her waist like they were one. Even though they keep getting older, and their time is finite, she knows he really meant it.

April 6 – A Recording of Two Lives

Side A: We Weren’t Meant to Burn

I always knew the fizzle was a sign of things to come.
You knew sparks were made of fingers on legs
But you never knew that my legs never conducted much electricity.
I spasm sometimes when I’m thinking of life
And you called that love, cause I could feel you moving.
If only it weren’t so wrong, if only I could feel the earth shake when you rocked.
We weren’t meant to learn love songs, only rough notes and guarded words.

I hate bugs, you collect scabs
We lived inside ourselves
Windows foggy, steamed up
I couldn’t see your insides
I was sure there was some tar in there
I knew there was some soot in me

As the sun was setting I thought about endings, you kept whispering about beginnings.
I felt bad, because I knew that happiness was not about your hand in mine,
It was more about feeling lost in motion, in moving forward, in future discovery.
You always thought I had moonlight in my hair and stars in my eyes,
Sometimes I laughed at night thinking of how naïve you were, how young.
Really I just didn’t know the meaning of being with another person, of grabbing
On to something and pulling and pushing and never breaking, always mending.
I liked looking at glass shattering, you should have known then that I would
Break that heart of yours.

I had no tears for you
Only a goodbye that left you silent
When I walked away
I thought you must have been a doll
And I was the puppet master
Cutting the strings
But I felt free, and you felt alone
Guess that’s what never again
Feels like.

Side B: You and I Are the Cosmos Racing

Shooting stars, I never knew they could burn your eyes with truth
Until I looked up while holding your hand, and felt the tailwinds on my face.
Life felt bigger and smaller all at once, with your arms around my stomach.
I heard the song on the wind, the whistle in the breeze, and I knew how love felt.

You held rainbows softly, letting the colours drips through your fingers
And into my hair. I laughed because it tickled.
Every time you said goodbye, I felt my heart float up like a balloon tied to your wrist
Following you everywhere you went without me.
You promised nothing, but I knew with you everything was for me and it always would be,
No doubts or lies, no secrets spilling behind shut lips.
We kissed and my smile stretched against the sun, warm against your lips
I’m content just to live and love with you forever.

I remember times when I was freedom, wings on back and shades drawn
No one knew the inside of my soul.
Now I’m open book, fairytale story, and you are an avid reader
Fingertips tracing the words of my being.

I’m never flippant or scared or trying not to be hurt, I am flowing thoughts
I break out of unknown into knowing you and knowing who I will be
Knowing I am myself, I am you, I am world, we are one.
I am living every day for myself, for you, and for this little seed we have blessed to grow.

– Tegan Thuss

April 4 – Bound by the Lightning

I remember that hot summer night, long ago, but not too long to forget we weren’t young anymore. The world went dark, the electricity shut off. But inside we were creating our own sparks, our hands formed lightning on skin that felt too hot but not hot enough. We were burning in the darkness, for each other and for love. When we kissed there were flashes and when I shut my eyes I swore I could see your smile etched in sunshine on the back of my eyelids. Your laughter sounded like static happiness, like the flipping of a switch to permanent ‘on’. I felt everything you had like a mixture of blending and cooking, we were melting from summer nights spent learning curves no road would ever find. There was no relief, no cool breeze, just hot breath and warm motion, and knowing that this was the moment that marked forever for us. This was the moment when we knew we would be connected together, a little line drawn from my heart to yours. And no matter how hard you knotted it, how many times the scissors might snip, it would be stronger than glue, hold faster than stone.

I remember that hot summer night, long ago, but not too long to forget we were still young. The world went dark, the electricity shut off. But inside we were creating a lightning strike that would spark the world to move just a little faster with us.

– Tegan Thuss

April 3 – Turn Tape Over to Side B

We sit in cold silence, as I watch the world float away and by. I trace memories with my mind, and hollow futures with my heart. I hurt when nothing touches me, but burn when the world gets too close. Slowly I move my hand, a flick of the wrist, thoughtless, careless, a scared motion of an injured animal looking for comfort. I edge it closer to yours, take hold in the darkness of my soul, and feel the warmth of your presence cascade through my icy veins. You tighten the grip, smile your bright smile, and I forgot what it is to be alone, what it is to feel used up and neglected. I feel like I am the only shining object in a black-out world, and you are coming to me, to my sparkle, with a matching glow. We were made in caves, moulded in rock, built from solid, unmoving earth into a single entity. One being, split in the middle, later seared back together by the formation of time and trust. We are the ocean cascading together, waves of laughter rolling onto shores of forever. The emptiness I have been feeling fades with the setting sun, and you and me, we’re just starting.

– Tegan Thuss

April 2 – You Can Win Still, Even Broken

She’s a little bit timid in the big lights
She can hear the roar, the silence
She’s staring out into her future
She’s feeling tension cracking her spine
She lets her smile stiffen
She lets her body flow with motion
She moves with a certainty she doesn’t feel
She is beautiful in all the right and wrong ways
She stops
She hears it then, explosion
She is tears in the face of knowing it was worth it

– Tegan Thuss

March 30 – Holding Hearts

Everything magical
Comes from happiness

When I’m with you
The stars align
The waters sparkle
Your eyes shine
And my smile warms

We hold hands
Twisted pines
Clinging together
Against sadness

The moon a flashlight
As we sit on swings
Made of air and hope
Hair colliding with wind

This is the moment
When you whisper
‘I love you’
And I forget
How the world was
Before you spoke

This is the moment
When I repeat
Every word you said
Like we are one
Glued together
At the heart

– Tegan Thuss

March 13 – Love’s Reckoning

You
The light
The darkness

A sharp pain drilling into the edge of my skin
An imprint that cannot fade

The sunshine burning on my upturned face
The stars that beckon in the night sky

I am afraid of the power of you
I fear nothing when I am with you

You
The goodness
The bad

The cool water running down my back in the rain
The chill of a winter wind turning my hair

The dip just where my neck meets my shoulder
Where your tongue traces lines as I shiver

I am scared of the force of you
I am a force with my love for you

– Tegan Thuss