April 9 – Turn Your Back to the Forest

Baba Yaga hid her hatred in my heart
Pinned it in, sewed it shut
I can feel it moving, squirming
It’s eating me like she would eat children
All cooked up, hungry as sin

I am completely lost, but her wisdom
Sucks me down into the marshes
With mermaids at my heels
And kelpies slurping up my marrow
All drowned, murky with pain

These woods are way too deep
But the thought of finding truth
Of holding my own fate in my hands
Tempted me into the darkness
All direction gone, hope done

I look at my aged hands and wonder
Was I always here, was this always me
And the steam rises and the laughter erupts
Folk tales and nightmares
You cannot escape

“And your front to me”…

– Tegan Thuss

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April 2 – You Can Win Still, Even Broken

She’s a little bit timid in the big lights
She can hear the roar, the silence
She’s staring out into her future
She’s feeling tension cracking her spine
She lets her smile stiffen
She lets her body flow with motion
She moves with a certainty she doesn’t feel
She is beautiful in all the right and wrong ways
She stops
She hears it then, explosion
She is tears in the face of knowing it was worth it

– Tegan Thuss

March 22 – Night’s Beckoning Darkness

When I can’t sleep I feel the chill touch of fear caressing my burning brow. I hear the sounds of movement and darkness, when nothing is there. The silence suffocates, the window leaves enough light to trace the evil lurking in shadow. I wrap myself in comfort that I cannot feel, and turn to warmth that emanates from the other side of the bed. Breathing stills as my hand touches heartbeat and my rhythm slows to match his. I am calm again, the night is quiet, the world is sleeping, and my eyes are drifting shut.

– Tegan Thuss

March 10 – In Dark Dreams

I can hear you coming in the dark
A stranger bent on piercing my heart
I am hunted by an ill-fated love
Burning fire through my skin
Sparks in the midnight air, witch’s hour
You’ve coaxed the very breath from my lungs
The strength has seeped from my bones
I am lost within the darkness of your soul

– Tegan Thuss 

March 5 – The House that Fell

I fear myself entombed
Trapped within the dark
Stale air surrounds me
The stench of sickness
Of death and decay
I scrape, scrape, scrape
You’ve buried me here
Where no one can hear
Screams from my throat
The knock of my hands
The beat of my heart
I scrape, scrape, scrape
There’s no escaping
Fate ties my wrists
You knew I would die
And you wait for me
To come drag you
Down, down, down.

– Tegan Thuss

January 17 – Projecting Pain

Her nerves are shot
Rattled right out of her skin
Projected out in to the world
And she can’t reign them in
Can’t seem to stop them from vibrating
From gyrating and collapsing in on her

Her leg is ceaseless motion
And her head is rhythm tapping skull
Bones are cracking pain
While heart is faster than a speeding train
She’s trying to ease the tension
Trying to rope her emotions

But her head is spinning
Stars exploding and twirls catching in hair
She’s flapping her arms as though they were wings
That could fly her out and away from herself
From the fear that is tugging
Pulling her downward toward the end

She’s screaming through her throat
But only she can hear herself
And the body ignores what the brain tries to reason
While she litters herself on the floor
Broken bits waiting to be restored
If only her shaking skin would stop

– Tegan Thuss

January 15 – Looking into Glass

When you look into the darkness
Into the void
What is it you see
An emptiness waiting to swallow you
Or hope at the end of a long tunnel?

When you peer into the blackness
Into the night
What is it you see
A loneliness you cannot escape
Or a light waiting to shine?

When you stare into oblivion
Into eternity
What is it you see
A mirror image of who you wish you were
Or yourself, perfect in imperfection?

– Tegan Thuss 

December 28 – Haunted by Shadows

We are shadows of the living
Crawling up from the past
Clawing at your senses
As you pass us by

You think we are figments
Gone in the blink of an eye
But we rise again
Haunting you

The dead can chill the heart
Twist and turn the dagger deep
If you let us rest a minute
In the house while you sleep

We are darkness in the light
Creeping in the corner
You turn and we are gone
But we can never really leave

We weep because we linger
There is no way to go
So we stay close to the living
To remember who we’ve been

– Tegan Thuss 

December 21 – Gothic Woes

Are we in a waking dream, faded walls surround us as we walk on past some insignificant speck that we see in the corner of our eyes but forget in the next minute. Is it a nightmare vision, reaching out to grab us as we sleep all safe in our beds, with the sheets wrapping tight, chains to hold us down, to strangle us as we try to fight for air.

I cannot escape this horrifying moment, anxiety spilling like blood from the bones, skin scraping on nails sticking from floor boards. Eerie eyes are watching from the darkness and fingers seem to play some soft melody over my soaked flesh. “Help me” I scream into silence, quieted by fear stuck deep in my throat. I am gagging on my own pulse as it quickens to the sound of footsteps on the landing. My heartbeat hums and I feel it may burst from misuse, as my dreams merge with some semblance of reality; my bed sticking to me, my eyes luring themselves open with the promise of being free, my brain cascading against the fog that continues to encase me in a tomb of my own making. The sounds quicken, feet scurrying, hollow breathing thicker than oil coming floating in on the night air. I am feeding on my shouts of terror as they rise and fall in my throat, like toads croaking; too quiet, too quiet, no one will hear. Red sparks are looming out of the black ocean of the room, toes curl inward. There is a click, as though the lights would flicker on, but nothing happens; except for the moment in my mind when I see what it is, what it truly is, and for one peaceful second the terrified beating of my heart stops.

– Tegan Thuss 

December 17 – When We Aren’t Ourselves

We are shadows of our pasts
Dancing on the walls
As we watch and wish for something more

We are sketches of a time
When life was easier
And love was always there to touch

We are promises now lost
Behind the truth
As we watch time pass and steal our dreams

We are never ourselves
When we hide
Everything we think will chain us down

We are afraid
Of change
Of being different
Of being happy

– Tegan Thuss