April 11 – We Fall Down

We are silence unbound
            by our own anger.
We live with fear
            etched on our broken ribs.
Echoes of our happiness
            trim the windows filled with dust.
The scars we leave have
            become the trophies on our shelves.
Rain clouds gather constantly
            to hide the sting of tears.
We bear it slowly with our smiles
            as false as the promises littered on the floor.

– Tegan Thuss

April 6 – A Recording of Two Lives

Side A: We Weren’t Meant to Burn

I always knew the fizzle was a sign of things to come.
You knew sparks were made of fingers on legs
But you never knew that my legs never conducted much electricity.
I spasm sometimes when I’m thinking of life
And you called that love, cause I could feel you moving.
If only it weren’t so wrong, if only I could feel the earth shake when you rocked.
We weren’t meant to learn love songs, only rough notes and guarded words.

I hate bugs, you collect scabs
We lived inside ourselves
Windows foggy, steamed up
I couldn’t see your insides
I was sure there was some tar in there
I knew there was some soot in me

As the sun was setting I thought about endings, you kept whispering about beginnings.
I felt bad, because I knew that happiness was not about your hand in mine,
It was more about feeling lost in motion, in moving forward, in future discovery.
You always thought I had moonlight in my hair and stars in my eyes,
Sometimes I laughed at night thinking of how naïve you were, how young.
Really I just didn’t know the meaning of being with another person, of grabbing
On to something and pulling and pushing and never breaking, always mending.
I liked looking at glass shattering, you should have known then that I would
Break that heart of yours.

I had no tears for you
Only a goodbye that left you silent
When I walked away
I thought you must have been a doll
And I was the puppet master
Cutting the strings
But I felt free, and you felt alone
Guess that’s what never again
Feels like.

Side B: You and I Are the Cosmos Racing

Shooting stars, I never knew they could burn your eyes with truth
Until I looked up while holding your hand, and felt the tailwinds on my face.
Life felt bigger and smaller all at once, with your arms around my stomach.
I heard the song on the wind, the whistle in the breeze, and I knew how love felt.

You held rainbows softly, letting the colours drips through your fingers
And into my hair. I laughed because it tickled.
Every time you said goodbye, I felt my heart float up like a balloon tied to your wrist
Following you everywhere you went without me.
You promised nothing, but I knew with you everything was for me and it always would be,
No doubts or lies, no secrets spilling behind shut lips.
We kissed and my smile stretched against the sun, warm against your lips
I’m content just to live and love with you forever.

I remember times when I was freedom, wings on back and shades drawn
No one knew the inside of my soul.
Now I’m open book, fairytale story, and you are an avid reader
Fingertips tracing the words of my being.

I’m never flippant or scared or trying not to be hurt, I am flowing thoughts
I break out of unknown into knowing you and knowing who I will be
Knowing I am myself, I am you, I am world, we are one.
I am living every day for myself, for you, and for this little seed we have blessed to grow.

– Tegan Thuss

March 25 – Yellow Rose

Old leather boots
Had a smile set on easy
And he whipped it out
Like a six shooter at noon
Always perfect aim

He wore his hat
As a second skin
His personality told by the tilt
His eyes resting under it
Shadow blue like thunder in heat

His faded jacket worn to the bone
You could almost see
His soul in the pockets
And when he took it off
The ladies swore there was sex in his step

He’d order only straight
No rocks, no chaser
He’d down it in one
Then gleam those white pearls
Toward a sure fire filly

But those old leather boots
They gave him away
Dusted from years, worn down
With a little yellow flower on the heel
Which everyone knew was the last of his heart

– Tegan Thuss 

March 24 – Monday Morning

Mini microbes
invade brain socket
with warning bells
of fettered destiny

Warring rain fall eyes
pick clean the glue
pressed torn papers
from savaged skin

Bloodied nails
cling to dress fragments
ash remembered
feet bared on tar

Catastrophe caught
in a nylon net 
held by calloused fingers
wet with hope

I didn’t come here
for the stars
I burn here
for the sun

– Tegan Thuss

March 3 – Lost Inside the Wilted Brick

One turn down the old round house
She shouts inside
We are immortal          we are immortal

If only we knew how to live

Dust flies out to cover eyes
Blinking turns them into rain

She’s burning with a false sense of hope
I know your name       I know your name

If only you could say it without breaking

Twisted rope lies falling up
Boats wave on rocks, clear glass skies

She can hear the ocean in the palm of her hand
I could be free             I could be free

Just maybe, with the right momentum

We weren’t all of us awful before the moon lit up
When the house grew wild
And the mushrooms dripped with dew and mould
We weren’t all of us bad before the sky grew dark
When the lights went out
And the gentle whir of electric rhythm vanished
We weren’t all of us destined for nothing

One turn round the old barn door
She shouts so quiet
We are immortal         we are immortal

If only we weren’t dying to live

– Tegan Thuss

February 29 – Winter’s Kiss

These tears fall down my cheeks like leaves
Winter’s coming
I can feel the cool wind in the sighs escaping my lips
Frostbite clings to fingers that used to feel warmth
There is a chill that runs down my spine
Snowflakes under skin
Autumn dusk spills an orange sun on my tinted cheeks
Darkness clasps my shoulders, bare
Goodbye still lingers in the air

– Tegan Thuss

February 25 – Hallowed Halls

You always told me if I was quiet and stopped to listen to the world I would hear your voice whispering in my ear. All I hear is the silence weighing me down, the humming drone of a world turning while you fight to breathe. I always thought that the sun was the light you let out of your eyes, straight from your soul, burning. The sun is up, but your eyes are closed and there’s something about the shimmer that makes me want to shut the blinds. I can’t remember the last time you smiled, and I’m trying to piece together your laugh from parts of conversations running continuously through my mind. We’ve left these words hanging by the door, lying in the bed, moving round the kitchen, following me until I cannot hear anything but the echo of the silence that they leave. Your hands are cold, your half gone already, pale fragment, faded photograph I am trying to restore. It’s not easy when your sighs sound like moans of the dying, when you live like a ghost waiting to dissipate. I am the walking dead without the life you had to share with me, you are the dying light I wish that I could switch back on.

– Tegan Thuss

February 3 – If I knew…

If I knew how to love you
Then there wouldn’t be this big expanse between us
We would know which stars to travel
With the shortest distance from point A to point B

If I knew how to love you
There wouldn’t be this chill in the air
Our body heat would expand
To wrap around the icy gaps between us

If I knew how to love you
The world wouldn’t seem too big for us
Our hands would clasp together
And we’d be able to move with the turn of the Earth

If I knew how to love you
You wouldn’t be staring off to my right a little
We could meet each other’s eyes
And maybe they would click together just right

If I knew how to love you
Maybe you’d know how to love me back

– Tegan Thuss

January 26 – Missed Step

My heart crumbles
Falls down to pieces
Litters the ground
At your feet

You look at the puzzle
Try to guess the meaning
But it evades you
As I float away

Red balloons aren’t always happy
When they float of with your soul
And the man you love
Just watches the clouds consume it

My sighs echo
Burn in your ears
Invade the world
That you live in

You listen to the song
Can’t pick up the beat
Let it stop
As I drift away

Teddy bears will sometimes cry
When the water washes over your body
And the man you love
Just watches the waves engulf it

My goodbye flickers
Past your smile
Through the trees
That you ignore

You don’t notice
As I break apart
Never to rebuild
As I melt away

– Tegan Thuss