December 29 – Steady Pulse

She clutches the porcelain
Hot water washing over her
And she feels better now
Dirt and tears slowly turning down the drain
Taking all the pain with them
She sighs when she feels clean
Crisp and new, happy and fresh
Her broken skin cracks off
Falls away with the rest of it
She is whole again
Steady as the dripping
Steady as her heartbeat
When she said goodbye

– Tegan Thuss 

December 28 – Haunted by Shadows

We are shadows of the living
Crawling up from the past
Clawing at your senses
As you pass us by

You think we are figments
Gone in the blink of an eye
But we rise again
Haunting you

The dead can chill the heart
Twist and turn the dagger deep
If you let us rest a minute
In the house while you sleep

We are darkness in the light
Creeping in the corner
You turn and we are gone
But we can never really leave

We weep because we linger
There is no way to go
So we stay close to the living
To remember who we’ve been

– Tegan Thuss 

December 27 – Weaving

He cut the string
The world stopped for a brief moment
Her breath caught in her throat
As she watched the golden twine fall
And heard the shattered dreams die with it

A man sighed once, final
His thoughts on one person’s smile
Brown hair shining in the mid-day sun
And his eyes shone true
While his body stopped moving

She looked up in despair
Mad smile clinging to the corner of a mouth
Which she knew now was torment
Torture and pain, he was a killer
With one callous cut he ruined her happiness

She screamed, grabbed his life
Tugged as hard as she could
And he stretched in peril until he ripped
Face twisted un-Godly, she watched him fade
She took up the loom and knew

Past, Present, Future
She watches them pass
She weaves and she weeps
Tears fall on the thread
Hearts never felt such sadness before

– Tegan Thuss 

December 26 – Beauty Faded on a Painted Canvas

Her name was Inez and she wore colours so bright
Her hair fell lightly on her shoulders
Blue sky floated above her smile
And men fell madly in love

She could lift her eyes and the stars would fall
Her skirt could flutter and the world would turn
Green grass shuttered under her feet
And men would give their hearts

She was past and present, soul entwined
With a world that could stop for all time
The sun would burn so strong for her
And men would lose themselves

She weaved tales with the tips of her fingers
Beautiful stories that twisted with goodbyes
Planets would collide for the chance to shine
And men mooned over her

She was a Queen of a kingdom bigger than the sea
Her body existed for the roar of the waves
Fish would kiss her naked, laughing toes
And men would stop breathing for her

Her name was Inez and she was eternity
A secret in a bottle waiting to be found
Sadness hidden by the sparkle of an eye
Sweetness and tartness on the tip of the tongue

She was the song that every man sought
The victory snatched from defeat
A reason for being and a moment to grow
Happiness dipped in startling truth

She glows radiance
Inez smoulders
Wanting

– Tegan Thuss

December 22 – For Our Children

Purple florescent light flashes
She’s waiting for happiness on the corner
Grey shadows play games on the sidewalk
As chalk runs up and down in excitement
They all hum with knowing
All curve toward one inevitable happening
Dark clouds gathering
Waiting to release their heavy load
Umbrellas click into being
But she doesn’t move a muscle
Anticipation licks the hot sun off her face
The heat is waving and her hair is caked
The steady drop of sweat her only motion
Eyes locked on what she feels is coming
Soft feet glide on grass behind her
Wisp of cold against the back of her neck
She flinches then leans in to the familiar touch
Soothing words cascade around her
Tumble from unsure lips, then move off
Away from her like the tide
A rumble in the distance like the sound of her hurried heart
Then a streak of light as the asphalt rises
To meet the steady drops of rain
In the distance she sees the future turn down the road
Her smile explodes into her eyes, up past the edge of serene
Lights glow closer, burn brighter, catch her in their shine
They stop with the hum of the engine
One leg emerges, a puzzle piece soon to fit a whole
Then she is in the air flying, past the freeze frame rain
On through the dark blue sky, up over the white washed clouds
Into the perfect cushion of loving arms
His face is rough with growth
He smells like old clothes from the attack 
But she kisses him on the cheek and knows that he is hers.

“Daddy, you made it…” her voice like a well loved song.
“Even the war couldn’t keep me from you,” he carried her,
Along with his duffel, in through the widening door. 

– Tegan Thuss

December 21 – Gothic Woes

Are we in a waking dream, faded walls surround us as we walk on past some insignificant speck that we see in the corner of our eyes but forget in the next minute. Is it a nightmare vision, reaching out to grab us as we sleep all safe in our beds, with the sheets wrapping tight, chains to hold us down, to strangle us as we try to fight for air.

I cannot escape this horrifying moment, anxiety spilling like blood from the bones, skin scraping on nails sticking from floor boards. Eerie eyes are watching from the darkness and fingers seem to play some soft melody over my soaked flesh. “Help me” I scream into silence, quieted by fear stuck deep in my throat. I am gagging on my own pulse as it quickens to the sound of footsteps on the landing. My heartbeat hums and I feel it may burst from misuse, as my dreams merge with some semblance of reality; my bed sticking to me, my eyes luring themselves open with the promise of being free, my brain cascading against the fog that continues to encase me in a tomb of my own making. The sounds quicken, feet scurrying, hollow breathing thicker than oil coming floating in on the night air. I am feeding on my shouts of terror as they rise and fall in my throat, like toads croaking; too quiet, too quiet, no one will hear. Red sparks are looming out of the black ocean of the room, toes curl inward. There is a click, as though the lights would flicker on, but nothing happens; except for the moment in my mind when I see what it is, what it truly is, and for one peaceful second the terrified beating of my heart stops.

– Tegan Thuss