August 31 – It Reaches For You, I Cling Tighter

You are lying silent in my arms,
But I can hear the slow beating of your heart
It will fade away shortly, just like the light in your eyes

I keep cursing life, everything that you do not have
All the unfairness dripping off my tongue, falling from my eyes
The world could spin out and I would simply follow blindly

You are smiling up at me, even with the pain
And my throat is closing over, as though I were the one leaving
As though I could take your hurt and sink it deep inside myself

You are lying silent in my arms,
It is getting harder to hear the slow beating of your heart
All but faded away, just like the shine of your skin

Your body weighs heavy, and the coldness in your arms is starting to burn
I think I might catch fire just from holding you so close
Just from wanting to be with you forever so desperately

If I had those wings you kept thinking I did, maybe I could curl you in them
Maybe I could rip them off and stitch them to you
So you could learn to fly, instead of slipping into a darkness where I cannot follow

You are lying silent in my arms,
And I can no longer hear the slow beating of your heart
It faded moments ago, when you reached out toward an end I cannot see

– Tegan Thuss

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August 29 – We Weep Together

This line of trees sits at the edge of the river
All twisted roots and swaying leaves
The river cleans its tired limbs, its trodden feet
All borrowed bark and dripping sap
The river shares its peaceful rest, its silent laps
All broken twigs and falling arms
The river embraces its changing nature, its weakened form
This line of trees droops over the edge of the river
Drowning tears in its blue, blue depths

– Tegan Thuss

August 26 – Yes or No

I keep walking down a dark path, there are twisted trees reaching out to hook themselves on my tattered clothing. But for some reason I can move, I can twist away, I can put one foot forward and touch solid earth.

I am swimming in a deep lake, the water continuously flowing over my head as I am bobbing up and down, somehow still afloat. And while plants are grabbing at my legs to pull me down, I can kick them away, push them off, I can tread this open water.

I keep flying through this black night, where mountains are pricking at my sides, and clouds are trying to drag me into their stormy centres. But for some reason the rain keeps trickling on my skin, I can feel it wash away, and I can stop myself from falling with it.

I am running in a wide city, where buildings try to catch me in their glass, and sidewalks try to stop me with their never ending expanse. And while birds are crying out for me to notice, I can close my ears, I can pick up my pace, I can see there is an open space left.

I am on the edge of two choices; I can feel the wind beneath my feet as sure as I can feel the clawing earth. I can’t seem to choose between jumping off or colliding back into the world.

– Tegan Thuss

August 25 – Cure or Curse?

You’re dripping into my bloodstream
All cure to my ails
But I’m not sure if you’re healing me
Or if you’re just another addiction I can’t let go of

You’re slipping into my heartlight
All shine to my soul
But I’m not sure if you’re the beating there
Or if you’re just another broken fragment waiting to bleed

You’re gripping my insides so tight
All muscle to my skin
But I’m not sure if you’re toughening me up
Or if you’re the aches and pains that keep me from moving

You’re stripping me to the bone
All pieces to my whole
But I’m not sure if you’re puzzle perfect
Or if these pieces don’t quite fit and that’s why I fall apart

You’re tripping my feet up
All stumble to my lift
But I’m not sure if you’re the reason I can fly
Or the reason I keep thinking I might be falling instead

You’re chipping away at my being
All pull to my push
But I‘m not sure if you’re building me up
Or if you’re tearing me down, crumbling me

You’re dipping into my eyes
All stare to my shy
But I‘m not sure if you’re looking in me
Or if you’re looking through me, right past me

I can feel you stitching yourself to me
I can feel you moulding yourself to me
But is this itch from getting better
Or if this twitch from getting worse?

– Tegan Thuss

August 24 – Conquered Kingdom

When you hold me tight, I feel the parts of me that were made in heaven
When you kiss me slow, I feel the parts of me that are destined for hell
When you touch me softly, I feel all the light pouring out of my heart
When you whisper in my ear, I feel the thunder rumbling in the pit of my soul

When you brush my hair back, your hand feels like hidden moments
When you kiss my cheek, you smell like everything I’ve ever wanted
When you smile with my name on your lips, you taste like secret happiness
When you lean into my body, your warmth encases me until I am moulded to you

When you are gone from me, I miss who I am when you are around
When I cannot feel you near, I feel the piece of me you have taken burn
When you say goodbye, I hear the hollowness of my heart without you
When you cannot stay, I witness the emptiness that this house holds inside

When you return, the clouds part and the sun shines and my heart beats again
When you say hello, I know the meaning of all the world and all the words
When you wake beside me, I have hope in my eyes and truth on my tongue
When you are near me, I feel my breath return, the missing piece reattached

I am your kingdom, lay claim to your throne, just promise to never destroy me

– Tegan Thuss

August 23 – Short & Sweet

I can barely contain the joy that I hold
My body is shaking, my heart might explode
I am shining so brightly, just for your eyes
I am burning so softly, in the warmth of your sighs
I can feel the heat rising to the top of my head
My brain is enamoured with the words you have said
My fingertips tingling with the touch of your skin
My face freckled with the imprint of your grin
Our souls gently reaching out to each other
Knowing in our depths there will never be another

– Tegan Thuss

P.S. feels incomplete, but I like anywho

August 22 – Stop Watch

One day these window walls won’t hold me in. I’ll fly out into the sun, wings spread wide, smile touching the tips of clouds.

One day these painted walls won’t cover me up. I’ll burst forth, all starshine and moonlight, floating on a dark tide between the stars.

One day these polished floors won’t touch my feet. I’ll run across the ocean, swim in fields of wheat, jump across mountains, bridge distances with the length of my arms.

One day these sparkling tiles won’t blind my eyes. I’ll see forever in the wind, dips and halos in the colour of flowers, dreams tucked into the legs of bumble bees.

One day these stiff wooden chairs won’t cut me up. I’ll dance in starlight, burn in sunlight, and cascade with water, always falling for everything I know is happiness.

One day these cold white sheets won’t suffocate me. I’ll cling to warmth, pull it into my broken heart; where it will close the gaps, mend the holes…I will be one piece again.

One day these sad smiles will no longer touch me. I’ll exist in moments of gradual motion, of quickening steps, of stop-start sighs and gasping from lack of air.

One day these rough hands will no longer need to hug me. I’ll feel true love racing through my veins, plugging up my heart, choking the breath from my lungs, it will be beautiful.

Because life is sucking in the minutes you have and not letting go until you’re almost numb from it. Because life if turning yourself inside out and letting the sharp spots hit you just right, letting the crumbling parts build up into one mound of memories that you are scared to keep but frightened to lose. Because life is knowing that it hurts, but also knowing that the hurt will heal and the sun will shine, the moon will smile, the stars will whisper and your soul will sing with the feeling of never regretting, never forgetting, and never stopping yourself from being human, whole, and reckless with the clock you hear ticking your time away.

– Tegan Thuss